Thoughts on My Paper

So, we've got a paper due on Wednesday and I'm still not 100% sure which paper I'm going to write (I know some of you are in the same boat as well). I like all the "self reflection" options but can't seem to decide which one. At first I thought I'd do a vector paper, then I thought maybe a racial identity analysis.

Then I got a great idea - how about using the theory interaction option to write a reflection on socioeconomic status identity or (as I've seen it elsewhere) "perceived socioeconomic status." We do have a couple readings on this topic but not a "theory" that I can reflect on. (Note to self: look this up in the future.) I believe that SES is the major influence in not only my identity, but on my education and my "vocation" - my inner calling. Right now, I will table this for the future since I really should be writing a paper, or at least making a decision on which paper to write.

You know, I had this professor at MHC (my favorite prof, actually) who would (for midterms) write 2 questions on the board and and give us 45 minutes and a bluebook to write an essay. Not only was writing an essay cold-turkey in 45 minutes a difficult task, but it's even more daunting because the clock ticks away as you decide which question you will answer! But I digress.....

So now I'm leaning more towards the sexual identity analysis paper, but I'm having a difficult time choosing whether to to use Vivienne Cass' theory or Anthony D'Augelli's. *sigh*

I feel that my personal experience is along the more essentialist line of theory (though perhaps more from a psychological perspective than a biological one) while my philosophical beliefs about sexual identity align better with a more constructivist perspective. I see myself as a lesbian and see my sexual identity development as a journey of discovery to find out who I was inside (well...to accept it, really) - my lesbian "essence," if you will. At the same time, I know others differ and I think that's fine - everyone IS different. I had friends in college that identified as lesbians that no longer do as well as friends that identified as lesbians and now identify as bisexual. I even have a friend that identified as straight in college and now identifies as a lesbian. We're all different and we all have our own inner truths - and you know...it's okay if your inner truth is more fluid than mine. Who am I to judge your inner truth?

All this reminds me an episode of Grey's Anatomy (I'm not an avid watcher but I'm glad I caught this episode). Callie (played by Sara Ramirez) and Erica (played by Brooke Smith) have just hooked up and Erica has a big gay realization while Callie doesn't feel the same way that Erica does. Here's the clip:



I'd say that my experience was more like Erica's. I looked back to the blog I kept in college and found this:

Friday, January 17, 2003
Frustration. I was supposed to have it all figured out by now. At least some part of it. I'm a junior. I'm 21. I'm supposed to know SOMETHING.

Sunday, February 16, 2003
I am officially "queer."

Tuesday, March 4, 2003
Dude. I am such a dyke. Hahahahahaha!

There was, of course, much more that went on before the 2/17/03 blog (a good 5 years of questioning) but the above basically represents the thought process I went through (in a short period of time) at the beginning of my "coming out" process (which, by the way, never ends as the closet follows you everywhere...).

---And now that I've spent a sufficient amount of time procrastinating (but at least it was productive procrastination!), I'm going to go and *actually* work on my paper.

PS. DrM, I found one of your citations in the text!