Notes and Thoughts

Today in class, DrM noticed a page of scribbles I had in my Baxter Magolda book. Anyhow, yeah, that's what I do. It wasn't really to clarify anything in particular, but a place where I record my thoughts after reading parts of the book. In addition to the thoughts that related directly to the reading (see previous post), here are my scribbles:

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Frustrated. I am still on Ch 1 of our book. I find myself wholly and utterly frustrated by my inability to just sit and read. Sometimes I wish I could just sit and read - just take it in and think about it later. But the more I read things that are connected to something I studied before or to something someone said or to an experience I had, I find my mind straying from the reading and reflecting back. It is frustrating to take entirely too long to read something because your mind keeps bouncing around and you cannot keep up - with your thoughts OR your readings.

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My problem is my mind bounces around too much. I am too affected, too intrigued. I feel pulls in all directions. But I like the connections and feeling strings connecting me to people, ideas, words, and thoughts. --That these "strings" of connections can go both ways are what I find to be most compelling and beautiful.

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motivation --> what is behind motivation - parents, grades, intrinsic learning, etc

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How do you eat knowledge? Do you smell it and hesitantly taste? Do you bite? Do you savor it or quickly consume it waiting for your next fix? Do you swallow right away or chew a bit? Do you ever spit it out because it tastes a little funny and then look at it, maybe pick through it because it tasted a little odd... do you pop it back in your mouth again? Or maybe it is so disgusting you don't even try it? Do you lick your fingers clean? How do you eat your knowledge?

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Children
-uninhibited
-haven't yet learned to stifle their creative imagination

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Active engagement in learning

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We can't generalize from only one perspective...at the same time, we shouldn't deny the value of individual experiences.

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SO...yes. In addition to my previous post (which made sense) these are my random scribbles in my book. Some are indirectly related to the reading while others are...a few tangents removed from the reading. :)

A few other thoughts I had that I didn't write down here was how feminist literature influenced Baxter Magolda. In the second semester of my first year of college I took a great psychology of women class and we read some of the works that Baxter Magolda cites - We read the first part (it was in our reader) of Belenky et al's Women's Ways of Knowing and Hare-Mustin & Maracek's Making a Difference: Psychology and the Construction of Gender.

That psychology of women course was the first time I was introduced constructionism AND...I went back to look at my midterm for that class and believe it or not, I mentioned Perry's "dualism"! Wow. Totally did not remember that AT ALL. (Though I do remember writing it at like...4 am.........) It's an interesting paper. On the first day of class, our prof asked us to write down questions we hoped the class would answer for us and she collected our paper. For our midterm assignment, she handed those papers back to us and we had to answer our questions based on what we had learned in class thus far. I thought it was an amazing assignment. Though the class seemed to have more of a feminist theory background than a "psychological" one, it was my first introduction to feminist theory and constructionism and that was exciting.

Baxter Magolda's Epistemological Reflection Model.....and other thoughts

Baxter Magolda’s Epistemological Reflection Model

Absolute knowing
-Focus is on acquisition
-Knowledge is certain and comes from authorities
-Gender patterns are receiving (females) and mastering (males)
Transitional knowing
-Focus is on understanding and process
-Knowledge is uncertain
-Gender patterns are interpersonal (females) and impersonal (males)
Independent knowing
-Emphasis on open-mindedness
-People are equals in holding their own opinions as valid
-Knowledge is mostly uncertain
-Gender patterns are interindividual (females) and individual (males)
Contextual knowing
-Emphasis on thinking for oneself
-Analyzes existing knowledge and gives weight to context

So I’ve read half the book (and I have read some of this book before) and here are some of my thoughts:
1)Her preface/intro is great. I really like how she brought in the feminist background…I wish it were more of a theme throughout the book.
2)I find myself intrigued by these “within” differences vs. the actual “stages” themselves. I’d like to see more about the progression of the gender-related (but not dictated!) differences.
3)These ways of knowing do seem to follow (at least somewhat) the structure of college curriculum. Freshmen typically start out in large lecture classes and over the course of their time at college, courses get more focused (regarding subject matter) and smaller in size –which is more conducive to discussion. So I’m just curious as to how much this model would differ if students were continually lectured to throughout all four years OR had an overall more discussion-based curriculum. –Or perhaps there was already an awareness of this progression and thus the curriculum style sprung from it? What came first? Chicken or egg?
4)I am curious as to how other constructs such as motivation/caring play a role in this process.

I’ve thought back over the differences of my overall “mindset” from high school to college to graduate school and I think the biggest changes for me have been the shift in hrm…how do I phrase it? Epistemic value or priority perhaps? Prior to high school, my motivation and “care” for school was primarily external. My parents prioritized it, so I did (influence of authority) as well as the “achievement” piece – public recognition and awards. In high school, much of that remained similar, but I’d say somewhere around junior or senior year, it shifted more to “this is for me” – it was still not pure intrinsic motivation, but it wasn’t entirely extrinsic anymore. Then in college, my focus shifted away from being completely self-centered to more open and inclusive of my peers (the first time I saw them as “equals”). I’d say I cared more about learning on a more altruistic level than in high school, but I was still (at least somewhat) motivated by my grades.

After college, I joined the “real world” and that’s when I truly began to appreciate learning the sake of learning - the concept of the “lifelong learner.” I took post-bac classes in a subject I didn’t study in college just for fun. I couldn’t just be a person in a job and here, this is my life. It wasn’t enough. My shift here at that point was to an entirely internalized goal – I wasn’t living for some reward, for a pat on the back, for someone to tell me how great I was. It was entirely and completely for me and nobody else. Now in graduate school I find myself longing to explore connections between not just subject matters but with life -my life and the lives of others I know. This is, after all, the intention of my blog – a piece of personal history, a way for me to take what I’ve learned over the years and reflect and analyze and compare things to what I’m learning now, what’s going on around me, as well as with the people around me.

Today I went to a lecture by Nel Noddings which was thought provoking, especially given my thoughts regarding motivation and achievement. How do we, as a society, create “excited” learners? How can we teach students to grow to find what they love? How do achievement rewards and things like measurements/tests (ie NCLB) hinder this path? How dare we impose quantitative measures on qualitative learning! *sigh*

It’s interesting to see this push for “standards-based” curriculum and testing in the K-12 spectrum (ie NCLB) while more and more colleges and universities are doing away with looking at SAT’s as a measure for entry to college (most recently in California...)

Education, Technology & Globalization

Shame on me for not commenting on Obama's address to Congress in which he included education as one of his top priorities (yay!) Here's the direct transcript from his 2/24/09 speech...well...just the part about education:

The third challenge we must address is the urgent need to expand the promise of education in America.

In a global economy where the most valuable skill you can sell is your knowledge, a good education is no longer just a pathway to opportunity - it is a pre-requisite.

Right now, three-quarters of the fastest-growing occupations require more than a high school diploma. And yet, just over half of our citizens have that level of education. We have one of the highest high school dropout rates of any industrialised nation. And half of the students who begin college never finish.

This is a prescription for economic decline, because we know the countries that out-teach us today will out-compete us tomorrow. That is why it will be the goal of this administration to ensure that every child has access to a complete and competitive education - from the day they are born to the day they begin a career.

Already, we have made an historic investment in education through the economic recovery plan. We have dramatically expanded early childhood education and will continue to improve its quality, because we know that the most formative learning comes in those first years of life. We have made college affordable for nearly seven million more students. And we have provided the resources necessary to prevent painful cuts and teacher layoffs that would set back our children's progress.

But we know that our schools don't just need more resources. They need more reform. That is why this budget creates new incentives for teacher performance; pathways for advancement, and rewards for success. We'll invest in innovative programmes that are already helping schools meet high standards and close achievement gaps. And we will expand our commitment to charter schools.

It is our responsibility as lawmakers and educators to make this system work. But it is the responsibility of every citizen to participate in it. And so tonight, I ask every American to commit to at least one year or more of higher education or career training. This can be community college or a four-year school; vocational training or an apprenticeship. But whatever the training may be, every American will need to get more than a high school diploma. And dropping out of high school is no longer an option. It's not just quitting on yourself, it's quitting on your country - and this country needs and values the talents of every American. That is why we will provide the support necessary for you to complete college and meet a new goal: by 2020, America will once again have the highest proportion of college graduates in the world.

I know that the price of tuition is higher than ever, which is why if you are willing to volunteer in your neighbourhood or give back to your community or serve your country, we will make sure that you can afford a higher education. And to encourage a renewed spirit of national service for this and future generations, I ask this Congress to send me the bipartisan legislation that bears the name of senator Orrin Hatch as well as an American who has never stopped asking what he can do for his country - senator Edward Kennedy.

These education policies will open the doors of opportunity for our children. But it is up to us to ensure they walk through them. In the end, there is no program or policy that can substitute for a mother or father who will attend those parent/teacher conferences, or help with homework after dinner or turn off the TV, put away the video games and read to their child. I speak to you not just as a president, but as a father when I say that responsibility for our children's education must begin at home.

It is quite a goal but we must start somewhere - and thank you, Mr. President, for point out that it's not just resources, it's reform. Yes, money is great and I'm sure those dollars will be received with gratitude, but if you want change, you can't just throw money at it.

I also wanted to tie a few other things in with the importance of education as a priority. I was recently at a meeting where P-20 initiatives are being discussed (mostly in regard to federal funding). Anyhow, one of the priorities is a better way to track students along their educational paths to try to find out what works and what doesn't. Imagine all the data! (And that's an excited "!")

What about education in the context of an increasingly "global" world? In class today we discussed an article "Wake Up and Smell the Epistemology" and talked about it in relation to positions/stages of Perry's theory. I think the author's perspective is interesting - that due to what he sees as the influence of technology, students are coming into college at a higher (albeit apathetic) level of cognitive development. This quote from a student in the article summed this point up nicely:

It is imperative that someone studying this generation realize that we have the world at our fingertips — and the world has been at our fingertips for our entire lives. I think this access to information seriously undermines this generation's view of authority, especially traditional scholastic authority.

So let's see...so far I've talked about education as a national imperative (regarding both resources and reform) and cognitive levels of students in the "information age." I wanted to bring one more idea into this blog, which is globalization. The world has always been complex within and among disciplines, but when you broaden the scope to include the whole world, and not just the U.S., somewhere, we must account for the rapid pace of globalization include economic, political, financial, and yes, even educational.

I got this link from a friend and I highly recommend taking a look at it - it really puts the technological revolution on a global scale and ties education into it quite nicely: Did you know?

I think when we take a step back and look at the future of education in the realm of a global community, there are many things we need to address. We are ill prepared for the future. A couple of the most salient issues would have to be the current economic crisis as well as climate change. I think other issues include apathy and lack of direction. Do people (including students) really not care? Or do people not care because they feel at a loss of knowing what they can do?

Maybe students are apathetic about what they learn in the classroom - but are they entirely apathetic? Or does it have to do with relevance? How is this relevant to the student - and how is it relevant to the future of society in a technological age of global growth? Furthermore, how can academics become relevant if the teachers cannot relate the relevance of their teachings to our global society? How can educational institutions prepare students for careers in a new globalized and technologically advanced future when the teachers themselves aren't equipped to guide their students in this direction?

I don't have the answers, obviously, but I think there are too many people with closed minds out there that inhibit the possibilities....and much like the Clydesdale article suggests, I don't think the ones with the most closed minds are the students. (!) I love it when I hear teachers, administrators, and professionals I know say things like, "I'm learning so much from my students" or "I love what my students are teaching me!" Yes, thank you!

It's not about "I'm right" or "I know it all" or even "I know much that I would like to share" - it's a step further. The convergence of minds, the idea of synergy, that the most can be achieved when everyone is involved...that when everyone (let's say, in a classroom) works together not just for mutual benefit, but for even more...the sum of what the teacher knows and what the students have to offer is greater than what the students can learn from the teacher alone (or what the teacher can learn from their students alone).

Now, I don't know how we can find out how best to address the current and emergent issues in our society (and around the world), but I know one thing: we are all in this together, and there's no way we can survive without a combination of individual and social responsibility and reliance. Hrm. Does that make sense? That we need to hold ourselves accountable and each-other accocuntable. That we need to keep our minds open, not just for ourselves, but for what can be an even greater benefit.

Now the big question is - how can we achieve this?

Thinking about Thinking (and some of the things I'm thinking)

So we're now moving from the psychosocial models of development and moving on to the cognitive structural models. Now that I didn't love the psychosocial models (because I did), but I am extremely excited about cognitive structural theories - after all, that's kind of my purpose of doing this blog in the first place! I love learning and thinking - it is a hobby and an addiction. I am intrigued by ways of learning and ways of knowing, and how people come to know what they know, how people learn new ideas and concepts, and what they then come to decide is important to them.

I have always loved school, books, and libraries. In the public school system, I was one of the lucky ones. As a little kid, I was identified as someone that should be placed in honors curriculum. In elementary school and middle school, I was on this track and it's true that the "highest" classes tended to have the "best" teachers - and that we were basically like a cohort - those in honors English were the same as those in honors math. It just ended up that way.

In high school I became more aware of these differences and made sure I was getting the best education I possibly could, with attending a mainland college as the motivating factor. If for some reason I wasn't placed what I thought was the course I belonged in, I was the first to grab my Stanford Achievement Test scores and march my way over to the counselors office to complain. But even knowing to do that, my awareness of that, came from a perspective of someone who knew that being in these "honors" classes was truly advantageous. What about all the other students that don't know? I'm not saying there aren't learning differences out there because there are. But what about everyone else? What about the students that weren't hand picked early on? What if they want the best education they can possibly get - the best teachers, the best academic track - shouldn't they be able to pursue it?

For me, the most important factors were: 1) parents that valued education a great deal, 2) excellent teachers that pushed me academically and 3) internal motivation. I'm sure 3 is related to 1 and 2.

I've had great teachers through my life, particularly in middle school which are very critical years in education. I wonder about the teachers that have replaced my teachers that have since retired. Are they pushing (and supporting) their students? Are they as passionate about their field? Can their students tell they care? Being able to think critically, and think outside the box were things I was pushed to do. Knowledge wasn't something these teachers claimed to own - it was something they loved and wanted to share. Learning was symbiotic. They cared just as much about what we thought about what we were learning (qualitatively) as they did about how much we were learning (quantitatively). It does seem to make sense that if one enjoys the process they would be better able to grow and learn. Sometimes I think that if I were to become a middle school teacher, I would be able to make a bigger impact on the world than I would in any of the jobs I've ever had or aspire to have.

Being a college administrator or professor is great and you still play a large role in the life of the students at your institution...but I can't help but think of the students that never make it there. The ones that don't have the opportunity to go to college or have the knowledge of what is necessary to help them get there. The ones that don't get adequate support from their family or their teachers. The ones that don't have the social and culture capital. How can I best help these students? Research? Policy analysis? Maybe the best way to help is to actually be in the trenches with them.....

Sexual Identity Readings

Our readings for this week were on Cass’ and D’Augelli’s homosexual identity development models. When I first read through the models, I thought they were both somewhat similar in process, however, the differences lie in their framework. Cass’ model presents homosexual identity as a relationship between psychological and social factors where the individual is seeking congruence as a means to achieve their identity. D’Augelli’s model itself is incredibly succinct, but the framework in which he places his model is extensive. His model is rooted in a lifetime developmental process framework where identity is a social construct that evolves throughout the lifetime where at some points one’s sexual identity may be salient/crystallized than at other points. His model takes into account personal aspects, interactive intimacies, and sociohistorical context. I think D’Augelli did a better job at placing his model within a framework, while Cass explained her model in extensive detail just kind of throwing in an, “oh, by the way, this is subject to change depending on society.”

I’m currently reading a book called “The New Gay Teenager” by Ritch C. Savin-Williams that offers an interesting perspective on gay adolescents. From his perspective, homosexuality is an invention that today’s teenagers don’t necessarily see as relevant to them. He foresees a “postgay” future where (perhaps) sexuality is irrelevant. Some of the more interesting points the book has brought out for me thus far are the following:
1)Gay culture (and hetero culture) is the result of society.
2)Gay adolescent research has (for a long time) focused on those that were available to study – troubled teens – and how to help them. Research often completely ignored bisexual students or students that were “other” not to mention students that were not out, thus only studying one facet of the gay youth. (Not to mention that the grant money was for research to support these youth and not anything otherwise.)
3)The outcome of gay research depends on the operational definition of “homosexuality” to which we should really question “What does it mean to be gay?” Is it an inner orientation? Is it sexual behavior? Is it someone saying they are gay? What about a virgin that thinks they are gay? Or someone who labels themselves as heterosexual but sleeps with their gender? What if no sex is involved but there is an intense relationship otherwise?

As someone that identifies as a lesbian, I think this research is fascinating and it made me look at my life not just from a personal perspective, but from a historical perspective. Maybe the only reason I consider myself to be a lesbian is because society has made me a lesbian. When I was little, I saw a show on TV (maybe on Oprah or 60 Minutes) where there were gay people on TV and it seemed to me to be something that was not desirable. What if I had seen a different show – one where there were lesbian couples with children and families – maybe things would have been different. I was experiencing my most intense inner incongruence during the time of Ellen’s original sitcom. When she came out and her show was cancelled and there was media backlash, I took it personally. What if, instead, I had seen Ellen on TV with her current talk show – knowing that she’s a lesbian, but seeing its irrelevance to the show?

It took a long time for me to “come out” and it took me a long time because I was scared and I wasn’t sure. How do you know? I hadn’t even dated anyone at the time – how could I come out if I didn’t have “proof”? What if none of that mattered? What if you just had feelings for who you had feelings for? Maybe it isn’t truly a big deal – it’s all in society’s perception and in our perception. For me, it took a long time to say I was a lesbian. I started out saying I was queer. Then I stuck with “gay” for awhile. As I got older, I kind of settled into “lesbian.” When I finally said, “I am a lesbian” it was more than a declaration of who I am, but an identity with a minority group. It was acceptance of my gay history, a gay “family” of people out there that I don’t know. People that fought for my rights that have made my life easier, I see them as my “ancestors.” Here is an excerpt from an old blog of mine:

Anyhow, this pride was RI’s 30th Pride celebration. At one point, a man came up on the stage to talk about the first pride back in 1976 (the original pride folk from back then are referred to as "76ers"). His speech was brief, but it was extremely moving. He stood onstage and looked at the vast expanse of people who showed up for pride noting how many people there had children and how many people in the audience weren’t even ALIVE in 1976. I don’t remember exactly how he phrased it, but he spoke of how different it was back then, what it meant to be gay back then, as well as the rise of AIDS. He closed his speech with a message to all the younger folks in the audience saying "If we have in any way made your lives easier, than all the difficult times, and all the struggles have been worth it." -What a wonderful message, and what a great legacy. He referred to himself and the 76ers as our "ancestors" and that is truly what they are. That, for me, was what pride was all about. I felt the "Pride" - that I am a "child" of an ongoing gay revolution with ancestors who have paved the way and have responsibility to give back to this community who has made my life easier.

I don't think my lesbian identity was ever the most salient identity for me, but as I've gotten older, it has become less salient. Maybe Savin-Williams is right - maybe someday there will be no differentiation between "heterosexuals" and "homosexuals." Then something comes up like this whole civil-union ordeal and I feel like maybe that time will never come.

It doesn't matter what your opinion is. A civil-union is not "equal" to marriage - and there are people that don't even want to let people be recognized in civil-unions. This is not equality, all we want is equality. This isn't a "gay" issue or a "religious" issue. It's a human rights issue, and by not allowing some people to marry, by allowing or even not allowing civil-unions, the rights of gays are taken away.

Reflections on Race

Barbie
Age: 5 or 6
Location: Washington (State)
My parents made sure I had "boy" toys and "girl" toys and "gender neutral" toys as well. Anyhow, back to Barbie. My first Barbie was not a "Barbie." My first Barbie doll was "Miko," an Asian Barbie that came with a flower lei and wore a swimsuit. I remember being disappointed. I wanted the blonde haired Barbie that came with shoes and a dress.

What are you?
Age: 7 or 8
Location: Hawaii
I am (of course) still asked this on a relatively regular basis. My high school biology teacher thought I was Italian because my last name rhymes with Romano (cheese). But I digress. I'm talking about the first time I was asked. I didn't know the answer. I knew dad is from Japan. Dad speaks Japanese. Yet, I knew enough about the language to know that Pulmano wasn't Japanese. Why hadn't I thought of that before? I was somewhat ashamed that I didn't know what Pulmano was.

My White Mom
Age: 7 or 8 or 9
Location: Hawaii
I was walking with my mother. She was slightly ahead of me and I was dawdling behind, walking on some bricks that were raised higher than the others. Needless to say, I fell. I cried out, not because it hurt, but to get my mom's attention. A woman came over to me, consoling me, asking me where my mom was. Yeah. That's when I started crying for real. I don't think I was coherent at all. All I remember thinking was, "Yeah. That white woman standing next to you. She is my mom. My real mom. I'm not adopted, and she's not my step mom. The white woman is my mom."

Affirmation
Age: 8 or 9
Location: Hawaii
Second grade, Mrs. Shimamoto, I think after some type of "parent-teacher" conference, "You look like your mom." That was the first time I really felt affirmed that yes, you see my mom and you see me and you see the similarities. You see that she is my mom. Affirmation.

Check One
When: Senior year of high school
Location: Hawaii
I know practice has changed significantly since I applied to college and for scholarships, but I remember filling out forms where I had to "check one" where "mixed" was not an option. Some had "other" - how offensive! Thanks for trying to be inclusive, but "other?" Really??? Why don't you just put it in bold and italics? Other. I recall checking off whatever I felt I was that day. Some schools thought I was Japanese. Some thought I was Filipino. Some thought I was white. Sometimes I checked more than one anyway - if you ask questions like that, you deserve distorted data.

Wrong Language
When: Junior year of college
Location: Washington, D.C.
I was in some type of cafe and a woman who worked there came up to me, talking excitedly in Spanish. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. Then, she stops. Shakes her head, waves her finger at me, "Shame on you, you didn't learn your language." I was so shocked I couldn't bring myself to say anything, to correct her. Well, she was half right. I didn't learn "my" language. But my language is not Spanish.

Mixing it Up
When: Senior year of college
Location: Massachusetts
Mount Holyoke College is known for its' diversity and the many ways it supports diversity - faculty, staff, clubs, organizations, etc. However, I never felt at home in the ACE House (Asian Center for Empowerment). The cultural group I spent most of my time with was the Hawaii club - my geographic location being more salient than any of my individual races or cultures. In my senior year, a group of great sophomores started a club called "Mixing it Up." I found I had more in common with my Cuban-American and Hispanic/Native-American friends than I did with the groups at the ACE House. Like the Cortes article we read, I felt I had more in common with my "mixed" friends that didn't share my races than I did with those that might have shared only one aspect. -Just the experience of being mixed bound us together.


For me, my racial mix has always been interesting to say the least. A white mother (English, Scottish, German, Dutch), and a mixed Asian father (Japanese and Filipino primarily...there's some other stuff too but primarily Japanese and Filipino). The only reason I can identify at all with the Filipino culture at all is because I grew up in Hawaii. Without Hawaii, I probably would have assumed I was just Japanese for much longer. My dad (who was born in Japan) was raised with a Japanese culture and language, and not the Filipino culture. This is what was passed on to me. I agree with the Cortes article - when it comes to students of mixed race, it is best not to box them in and not to assume anything. Let them tell you who they are.

Long Time No Update

Okay, so I'm a little behind in posting for this week. Between writing my paper and doing readings for class, I haven't managed to post. My mind feels it will explode with so many different thoughts and ideas that readings from the past two weeks have brought to the surface.

Since my last post, I've read Chapter 5 (Racial and Ethnic Identity Development) and Chapter 6 (Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Identity Development) from our Evans, Forney, & Guido DiBrito text. I ended up writing my paper on Cass' model of homosexual identity development (but will hold off discussion on this until we get there in class). I had to actually read through Anthony D'Augelli's and Vivienne Cass' models in our reader in order to actually "get" their theories - what was provided in the text wasn't enough for me to fully grasp them. This disturbed me somewhat and now I'm questioning whether I know enough about Cross, Helms, and Phinney's models of racial and ethnic identity development.

I'm making my way through the course reader as well. The Hardiman/Jackson chapter was great, particularly in the depth and clarity with which they were able to present their model.

For the remainder of our readings this week we can pick two of six articles to read. I don't want to miss out so my goal is to read (or at least skim through) them all.

-I started with Peggy McIntosh' "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack." The last sentence is missing from our reader. You can find the full article here: (http://mmcisaac.faculty.asu.edu/emc598ge/Unpacking.html).
She uses her awareness of male privilege to discuss her white privilege - an interesting reflection.
-If you haven't picked your two readings yet, may I highly recommend Judy Rohrer's "Haole Girl: Identity and White Privilege in Hawai'i." It is a great review of available literature up to the time of the article, and she offers a reflection of herself as well. It offers a discussion of the word "haole" itself as well and I found the quotes from the Advertiser's "Haole: Is it a Dirty Word?" that she references to be entirely amusing! You'll have to read it for yourself!
-I skipped over the two Asian identity articles (I'll read those last).
-Cortes' article on intermarriage -> multiracial identity completely spoke to me. I will eventually reflect on this later. But just a quick note - our country is becoming SO diverse, this is something that must become a priority and the concepts she discusses will become increasingly relevant in the coming years.
-I thought Vasti Torres' article on Latino identity was interesting as well. While it's not entirely the same, I'm able to see parallels between the experiences of Latino students and first generation or immigrant students in Hawaii that have a difficult time leaving their family to pursue higher education on the mainland. While Hawaii does have UH, we've still got a low completion rate and a population of students that come from families with a more "collectivist" cultural background. This is something I've witnessed with my friends, and with prospective students I interview locally for Mount Holyoke College: students have a difficult time reconciling leaving their families that have sacrificed so much for them. There may be a pressure to work in the family business, take care of an ailing family member or younger siblings, not to mention that some families feel threatened by the idea of their child leaving the islands to pursue a higher education, "Oh, so you're too good for UH, are you? Well UH was good enough for me. You're going to UH."

Anyhow, that's just an update. I will post more once I make sense of all my scribbles in the margins of these articles.....

P.S. I left my Chickering and Reisser text within reach of my dog. Needless to say, it is now missing part of its spine. :(

Thoughts on My Paper

So, we've got a paper due on Wednesday and I'm still not 100% sure which paper I'm going to write (I know some of you are in the same boat as well). I like all the "self reflection" options but can't seem to decide which one. At first I thought I'd do a vector paper, then I thought maybe a racial identity analysis.

Then I got a great idea - how about using the theory interaction option to write a reflection on socioeconomic status identity or (as I've seen it elsewhere) "perceived socioeconomic status." We do have a couple readings on this topic but not a "theory" that I can reflect on. (Note to self: look this up in the future.) I believe that SES is the major influence in not only my identity, but on my education and my "vocation" - my inner calling. Right now, I will table this for the future since I really should be writing a paper, or at least making a decision on which paper to write.

You know, I had this professor at MHC (my favorite prof, actually) who would (for midterms) write 2 questions on the board and and give us 45 minutes and a bluebook to write an essay. Not only was writing an essay cold-turkey in 45 minutes a difficult task, but it's even more daunting because the clock ticks away as you decide which question you will answer! But I digress.....

So now I'm leaning more towards the sexual identity analysis paper, but I'm having a difficult time choosing whether to to use Vivienne Cass' theory or Anthony D'Augelli's. *sigh*

I feel that my personal experience is along the more essentialist line of theory (though perhaps more from a psychological perspective than a biological one) while my philosophical beliefs about sexual identity align better with a more constructivist perspective. I see myself as a lesbian and see my sexual identity development as a journey of discovery to find out who I was inside (well...to accept it, really) - my lesbian "essence," if you will. At the same time, I know others differ and I think that's fine - everyone IS different. I had friends in college that identified as lesbians that no longer do as well as friends that identified as lesbians and now identify as bisexual. I even have a friend that identified as straight in college and now identifies as a lesbian. We're all different and we all have our own inner truths - and you know...it's okay if your inner truth is more fluid than mine. Who am I to judge your inner truth?

All this reminds me an episode of Grey's Anatomy (I'm not an avid watcher but I'm glad I caught this episode). Callie (played by Sara Ramirez) and Erica (played by Brooke Smith) have just hooked up and Erica has a big gay realization while Callie doesn't feel the same way that Erica does. Here's the clip:



I'd say that my experience was more like Erica's. I looked back to the blog I kept in college and found this:

Friday, January 17, 2003
Frustration. I was supposed to have it all figured out by now. At least some part of it. I'm a junior. I'm 21. I'm supposed to know SOMETHING.

Sunday, February 16, 2003
I am officially "queer."

Tuesday, March 4, 2003
Dude. I am such a dyke. Hahahahahaha!

There was, of course, much more that went on before the 2/17/03 blog (a good 5 years of questioning) but the above basically represents the thought process I went through (in a short period of time) at the beginning of my "coming out" process (which, by the way, never ends as the closet follows you everywhere...).

---And now that I've spent a sufficient amount of time procrastinating (but at least it was productive procrastination!), I'm going to go and *actually* work on my paper.

PS. DrM, I found one of your citations in the text!

A Learning Experience - From the Vector Perspective

Looking back on my college years, one particular event sticks out in my mind as a major developmental experience. I will discuss this experience and reference Chickering and Reisser’s vectors along the way.

In my first year of college, I was involved in different groups and organizations, but my closest friends were five women that lived in my dorm. We were all first year students that bonded quickly and strongly - so much in fact, that I did not experience any homesickness in my first year away. We all decided to move as a group into a dorm together for our sophomore year.

During my sophomore year I noticed that one of my friends was having problems, was withdrawing socially and was partaking in some self-destructive behavior. In retrospect, I should have spoken to my SA (student advisor), HP (hall president), res life director, dean, or someone at the health center – anyone in an “authority” position that could help. Instead, my other concerned friends and I gathered together to talk about her problems. I knew some things about this friend that my other friends did not know and I disclosed them, thinking I was doing the right thing. Suffice it to say that my friends went and talked to her when I wasn’t around, told her everything I had said, and everything blew up in my face. This was a rough lesson in my development of interpersonal competence (vector one) “knowing when and how to communicate what to whom” (Chickering & Reisser, 1993, p. 75).

While I admittedly had done something very wrong, my friends treated me poorly through the whole ordeal. I was ashamed that I could hurt someone I cared about so deeply that I accepted my friends’ behavior towards me thinking that I deserved to be treated that way and saw myself as a “bad friend.” Instead of realizing I was a good person that had behaved badly, I saw myself as a bad person which Peterson, Schwartz, and Seligman (1981 as cited in Chickering & Reisser, 1993) noted as related to symptoms of depression. While I continued to go to class and stay involved in extracurricular activities, I was far less social and felt several negative emotions related to depression (sadness, worthlessness and an expectation of punishment) and a few physical problems as well (loss of appetite and lethargy).

With time, I became aware of both my feelings and my faulty logic. Having read somewhere that exercise increases endorphins, I started going to the gym. I also realized that I had other friends outside this close-knit circle of friends that cared about me and began to spend increasing amounts of time with them. Without the obligations I’d had to my “clique,” I spent more time on my studies, formed study groups with classmates and spent more time practicing my violin. This amalgam of experiences helped me improve my intellectual, physical and manual competence (vector one) and was also a lesson in managing my emotions (vector two) of depression and guilt.

It wasn’t until more time had passed that I realized the “clique” of friends I was part of wasn’t a healthy relationship. In my college experience up until that point, I had managed to move from dependence to autonomy from my parents (vector three), but instead of moving towards interdependence, I instead became dependent (codependent?) on this group of friends. They became my family and we clung to each other in a needy way. Some of my friends hadn’t developed friendships outside the group, and several of them not only planned their schedules around each other, but also registered for the same classes. Reading this passage from Chickering and Reisser’s fourth vector reminded me of this experience:

“Schedules are arranged to permit maximum closeness. Other friends fade into the background. Sometimes classes and homework go by the wayside. Students may also fuse with a group, spend all their time hanging out together, and even take on characteristics of the group, forgetting that they exist as separate beings.” (p. 162)

It was in my break from this group that I was able to truly move from dependence to autonomy, (the first step in vector three) and begin my journey of developing healthy intimate friendships (vector four).

While I knew there was nothing I could do to reverse my past wrongdoings, I knew I could control my future actions. Half way through my sophomore year, the girl who was my first-year roommate (and very close friend) returned to campus after a semester away. We were lucky – there was an open room that we could both move into. While the room was in the same dorm as my former “clique” I was at least on a different floor. I didn’t fill her in on what had happened with our friends, just that I was spending more of my time on my studies and on extracurricular activities. I decided that instead of trying to cling tightly to her friendship and fill her head with negative stories and speak ill of my former friends (who were still her friends), I would just let things be. For me, I think this marked the beginning of establishing my own value system and it was definitely the first situation where I made a conscious effort to uphold a value that I had established for myself. I see this as related to Chickering & Reisser’s seventh vector, developing integrity, where I was moving away from acting in my own self-interests towards more socially aware and responsible behavior.

While this experience was painful to deal with, I experienced more growth from it than had it not happened. It helped me become a better, more honest, and trustworthy friend, and helped me define and uphold my ideals of friendship. By my senior year, I had many good friends and acquaintances, as well as a handful of very close friends. We did not feel the need to live on the same floor (or even in the same dorm) and were involved in our own things – different extracurricular activities, work, and different academic studies. Instead of living, sleeping, eating, breathing and spending every waking hour possible together, we all did our own thing but made time for and shared our lives with each other. In the context of my undergraduate college experience, I was able to move to an interdependent relationship with my friends (vector three) and was able to balance my time among myself, my friends, and my romantic relationship (vector four).

To end this exercise, I want to emphasize that the development continues. Just because one touches on several of Chickering and Reisser’s vectors in college doesn’t mean they have developed “competence” in all those vectors in all aspects of life. For example, being able to manage one type of emotion does not necessary mean one can manage all emotions, and just because one is able to develop healthy intimate friendships doesn’t mean one is able to develop healthy intimate romantic relationships. I chose to share this experience because while it was only one of many experiences I had in college (I haven’t even talked about identity yet!), but it provided me the broadest context on which to view my development from the vector perspective.